


Music Again

by Julesmonster



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 23:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julesmonster/pseuds/Julesmonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If his life was a movie, then Adam Lambert's music would be the soundtrack. Puck goes through some major life changes but music keeps him going through the bad times and helps him celebrate the good times. Puck-centric; eventual Puck/Kurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Loaded Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> A/N: I am not usually a song-fic type of person. In fact I usually skip over the songs when people over use them in stories. But I was listening to Adam Lambert's album For Your Entertainment the other day and just had this moment of "wow, that sounds like Puck" while "Whataya Want From Me" was playing. So I started to go through Adam's songs one by one and this story started to form in my head, beginning with the idea, "What if Puck was a closet Adam Lambert fan?"
> 
> The story does not really follow canon at all, though it is sort of set in the middle of the first season, the club's sophomore year. There is no Babygate, though Puck did sleep with Quinn and date Rachel. Hope you all enjoy this little piece! Jules

Noah "Puck" Puckerman had a secret that he swore he would take to his grave: he absolutely loved Adam Lambert's music. There was something about hard hitting glam rock that really appealed to both his badass outer-self as well as the softer inner-self that no one but his Ma and his baby sister Sarah ever got to see. It wasn't just Adam Lambert; he loved all the glam rock greats from the past, too—Bowie, Iggy Pop, T. Rex, New York Dolls, Jobriath, Roxy Music, Gary Glitter and Lou Reed—but somehow he connected with Adam Lambert in a way he never could with the older artists, and not just because his music was newer. It was like his music had become Puck's own personal soundtrack through life.

Puck got a kick out of the idea that his life was so badass that it required a soundtrack.

Soundtracks aside, Puck had been rather satisfied with the way his life was going. He was the best player on the football team, he was one of the most popular guys in school, he had one of the hottest chicks as his girlfriend, he got some side action from any of the Cheerios he wanted, and he was _**the**_ biggest badass in Lima. He made good money from his pool cleaning business and got to fuck some really hot MILFs. He made even better money in back alley boxing—a sport where he was currently undefeated, leading to his earlier mentioned reputation as a badass—and he had saved up quite a chunk of money in his "Get the Fuck Out of Lima" fund.

And then Finn had joined glee and had somehow convinced him and a couple of the other football players to join, plus his sometimes girlfriend and a couple of the other Cheerios joined. Since then, his satisfaction with his life had diminished drastically. Somehow, seeing the way the geeks in glee all stuck up for each other, even when they were fighting amongst themselves, made him feel like maybe he had been missing something. His friends, the popular kids, would stab each other in the back in a second for a higher social ranking, or even just for fun. There was some sort of honor among the dweebs that Puck could recognize and respect. That was one of the reasons he stopped dumping the gay kid in the dumpster every morning. It was also why he had tried to be a little nicer to all the kids in glee.

Of course, not everyone was pleased by the new and improved Puck. Many of the other football players felt the need to make comments about his newfound respect for dweebs. But because Puck was _such_ a badass, none of them would openly challenge him. His on-again-off-again girlfriend was beginning to get annoyed by his niceness as well. Then again, Santana was a certified (and certifiable) cold-hearted bitch—well, except for when she was being all loving and cuddly, but that was a rare occurrence—so pretty much everything annoyed her. He didn't really care about her opinion though.

Truth be told, he wasn't in love with Santana at all. He cared about her, but if he loved her he wouldn't spend so much of his time fucking anyone with a pussy.

_If I say I'm sorry It's just me telling a lie When you're in my arms I feel emptier inside I never felt so satisfied_

Then again, if she loved him, she wouldn't fuck half of the men in Lima and carry on a running affair with her best friend Brittany. He was pretty sure she was a lesbo and in love with Britt, but he wasn't going to tell Santana that. She was likely to cut his balls off in his sleep.

"You look like you need to shit," Santana said snidely as she came out of nowhere to grab his hand.

Puck rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I'm just thinking."

"Well, don't strain yourself," Santana said. "I just came by to tell you that you're coming to my house to fuck me tonight."

"I have plans," Puck said coolly. He didn't really, but he was getting sick of her thinking she could boss him around. Her pussy wasn't _that_ great.

"What plans?" Santana frowned. "Jerking off to the Victoria's Secret catalogue? I know for a fact that none of your ho-bag MILFs will see you on a week night when their husbands are home. And I've threatened any of the Cheerios to stay the fuck away this week."

Puck growled. "Fuck you. I have other things in my life besides fucking."

"Whatever," Santana said. "I expect you to drive me home after glee."

"Bitch."

Santana flipped him off as she continued to walk up the hall as though she owned the school.

_Everything falls into place but I think I need a little more time And yeah I know my life has changed but Honestly I don't know if we'll survive_

Puck grimaced. How long was he going to let that shit continue? It wasn't just that he wasn't in love with her; half the time he hated her.

The bell rang, signaling the beginning of fourth period. Puck was supposed to be in phys-ed, but coach Tanaka didn't really make the jocks show for that so he usually spent the time either sleeping, catching up on the assignments he hadn't done the night before, or hanging out in the choir room. That was where he went that day.

There was another secret that Puck kept to himself, but it wasn't quite as embarrassing as the Adam Lambert soundtrack thing. Puck liked to write. In fact, he would write all kinds of stuff. He had all kinds of stories and shit on his computer. He also wrote music. Or he used to before something in his brain just shut down. He had almost as many songs on his laptop as he did naked pictures of girls, and that was saying something. He'd even considered performing one or two of his songs for glee club. Lately, though, Puck couldn't seem to come up with anything to sing about. It was like the music was just gone.

Once in the choir room, Puck looked around to make sure he was alone and then retrieved his guitar from the storage cabinet. There were a few of his songs printed out in his case, so he grabbed those. Sitting on the piano bench so he would have a place to rest his music, Puck began shuffling through the songs to find something he could play that fit his mood. He finally settled on a song called "Snatch."

Despite its name and Puck's propensity for the vulgar, the song was not about pussy. It was actually about having the things that matter most snatched away; more specifically, it was about his father ditching Puck and his Ma and sister. It was about having dreams and hopes and love and security all snatched away in a single moment of selfishness. He never once referred to his father specifically, so Puck suspected that most people would never guess that was who the song was about and thus ruin his badass reputation.

The words and tempo conveyed the anger and resentment that Puck felt—he always imagined the song being rocked out with heavy guitars and drums in his mind—but the song was set entirely in a minor key, lending it a sad and haunting quality. Puck thought it was one of the best songs he'd written, but it still needed a little work. And since he couldn't seem to write anything new, he figured it was a good time to go back and fix his past work.

As he sang through the song he found a few places where he wasn't happy with a word or a chord and he would pause to use a pencil and make corrections. Then he would be back to playing. When he was pretty sure he was happy with the song, he went back to the beginning and played the entire song through.

The last notes still hung in the air when quiet applause startled Puck. He turned towards the door and found Kurt Hummel leaning against the wall just inside the closed door. "That was incredible. Did you write it?"

Puck frowned, not sure if he wanted to share his secret with the gay kid. After a moment of thinking he figured Kurt wouldn't go around blabbing if he asked him not to. "Yeah. I uh… I write songs sometimes."

Kurt pushed off the wall and came over to the piano bench. There was plenty of room, but Kurt raised his brow in silent inquiry before presuming to take a seat. Puck nodded and so Kurt sat and began shuffling through the music on the piano stand. Puck was quiet while Kurt read through the songs before settling on one and lifting the cover off the piano's keys and placing his fingers very deliberately. With the first chords, Puck knew which song Kurt had chosen and began to strum along. When Kurt's clear and confident voice began to sing the melody, Puck instinctively added in a harmony where it belonged.

The song, "Harmonies", was much slower than the song Puck had been working on before. It was what some would probably call a love song, but it wasn't really about a girl. It was how Puck felt about music. Kurt let Puck take the second verse and filled in with the harmonies Puck had used. When they finished, Puck took up his pencil again and filled in the harmonies they had sung.

"What were those counter melodies you were doing?" Puck asked, not even looking up from the paper as he scribbled down notes and reminders so that he could fix the song on his computer later. Slowly, Kurt played through the countermelodies he'd improvised and Puck copied them onto his paper. "Thanks, dude," Puck said once they had finished. "That was pretty cool."

"We make good music together," Kurt said with a hint of self-deprecation.

"Yeah, we do," Puck said sincerely. He and Kurt had sung together in glee a couple times and their voices really complimented each other.

Kurt flushed a little and stood up to go pick up his discarded book bag. "You should really perform some of these for glee. I think that one you were singing when I first came in is good enough for competition. Well, with a little help on the arrangement so the jazz club and Artie can back you up."

Puck blinked at Kurt. "You really think it's that good?"

Kurt shrugged. "I think so, but you know Schue; if it isn't Journey, you never can tell."

"Would you… would you help me with the arrangement?" Puck said. He cursed the uncertainty in his voice; where was his badassness when he needed it? "I mean, I've never really done anything but the melody, maybe a harmony line and the guitar chords. I'd totally give you credit for the work."

Kurt smiled at Puck. "Sure. I'll see you in glee and we can discuss when we can get together."

"Thanks dude."

Kurt left and Puck stared at the paper still in his hand. Kurt had just waltzed right in and turned Puck's simple little song into a real piece of music in less than an hour. It was funny; if he had ever thought about something like this happening, he would have assumed he'd be resentful and possessive of his work. Instead, he was grateful that someone as talented as Kurt was willing to help him. And maybe Puck could learn some stuff about music from the other boy in the process.

Noah "Puck" Puckerman was getting the fuck out of Lima, and he thought maybe music might just be his ticket, even if he wasn't a badass rock star.

**PKPKPKPKPK**

The rest of the day sped past and soon Puck found himself back in the choir room. For some reason, he felt shy to be back in the same room as the gay kid. Kurt. He wasn't just some random gay person; he was Puck's friend. Puck glanced over in his direction and gave him a half smile, which Kurt returned with an uncertain little wave. When Santana saw that she glared at both Puck and Kurt. Luckily, Schue showed up and announced that they'd sung enough Journey songs. There was a round of cheers until he finished his thought.

"Instead we'll be singing all Fleetwood Mac songs for the next three weeks," Schue said cheerfully. There were groans abundant though the group. When were they going to be allowed to sing something from this century?

They rehearsed a couple of the songs from the _Rumors_ album before Schue dismissed them. Santana took Puck's hand practically dragged Puck from the room, never giving him a chance to talk to Kurt about getting together. Puck let her pull him until they were alone in the hall. His mother had taught him not to \embarrass a girl, so he wasn't going to call her on her actions in front of the rest of the club, but he was getting more than tired of her.

_Walking hand in hand You are all I ever want And when you're not around yeah Don't even notice that you're gone We are barely hanging on_

Once they were out in the parking lot and Puck was sure there was no one else around he turned to his girlfriend. "Santana, I don't want to do this anymore."

"Do what?" she asked, looking truly puzzled.

"Us, this… Being a couple," Puck said. "I don't want to go out with you. I don't want to fuck you. And I certainly don't want you to keep trying to boss me around all the time! I told you I have stuff I needed to do tonight, but you completely fucking ignored me. And this afternoon, I needed to talk to Hummel, but you just fucking dragged me out of the room like I was your fucking pet. Well, I'm done."

"Right," Santana said easily. "That's fine. I'll find someone else to fuck me tonight, and you can come crawling back tomorrow or next week, or whenever."

Puck sighed. "I'm not coming back San. I'm done. I don't love you, at least not like that. And I know you don't love me. I don't even think you like me sometimes. I don't want a relationship like that. I'm done. But I would like it if we could be friends; I don't have all that many friends."

Santana frowned and her forehead scrunched up as she realized that Puck wasn't just talking about one of their frequent squabbles that was inevitably followed up by scorching hot makeup sex. "You're serious?"

"Totally," Puck said.

Santana rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You're an idiot. There's no girl in school with more juice than me, and that includes Quinn, head cheerleader or no. And there's certainly no one who can fuck like I can. But if you're serious, I'm sure I can have my choice of willing jocks lining up by morning."

Puck smiled at her. "Cool. Just stay away from Karofsky. I think he's a closet case. Maybe you and Britt could…"

Santana snorted. "We will, but that does not preclude the need for a man on the high school social ladder."

Puck nodded. "You still want that ride home?"

Santana spotted Brittany heading their direction and waved her down. "See ya loser."

"Bye bitch," Puck returned with amusement. That went a lot better than he had imagined.

_A loaded smile An empty glass And one last dance_


	2. Voodoo

Puck watched Santana and Brittany drive away before he went to his ancient pickup and hopped inside. A quick turn of the key and… nothing. Puck tried turning the key again and still nothing. He tried the radio and knew he had battery. Swearing, he popped the hood and climbed out.

Puck was at a total loss. Sure he was a badass, but that did not necessarily translate into knowing anything about cars. Most guys learn that shit from their fathers and Puck's dad was long gone. Puck could fix stuff around the house; give him a leaky faucet or a hole in the drywall and he knew just what to do. He could even rewire a light switch. He'd had to learn over years of dealing with the stuff his Ma was too busy to deal with. She worked and he took care of Sarah and the house. He could even do a pretty respectable French braid in Sarah's hair when she begged long enough. But cars? There he was lost.

He was staring cluelessly at the engine when someone came up behind him. "I thought we were going to talk."

Puck turned around and smiled at the boy he thought might have the potential to become another friend. "Yeah, sorry about that; Santana had other plans."

Kurt looked around. "Where did she go?"

"Off with Britt," Puck said. "We broke up."

Kurt snorted and crossed his arms over his navy blue coat. Puck wasn't sure what it was supposed to be, but he liked all the buckles on it. "Again?'

"Yeah, but this time it's for good," Puck said.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said and there was honest sympathy in his voice. Puck knew that Kurt rarely allowed an honest emotion through his aloof façade and felt unreasonably honored that he would do so for him.

"I'm not," Puck said candidly. "We aren't very good for each other. Well, politically we are, but otherwise… I think maybe we could be okay as friends, but we'll see."

Kurt nodded. "What's wrong with your truck?"

"I have no fucking clue," Puck said, turning back to stare at the engine. "I still have radio, so I know the battery isn't dead, but it won't start. I guess I'm going to have to get it towed."

"Go try and start it," Kurt said. "I want to see what happens." Puck gave Kurt a strange look and Kurt huffed with annoyance. "Just do it."

Puck shrugged and went back into the truck. He turned the key and again nothing happened. He got out and watched Kurt take off his fancy wool coat. "Hold this."

Puck did and asked, "Aren't you cold?"

"I don't want to get grease on my John Varvatos coat," Kurt huffed as he rolled up the sleeves of the white dress shirt he was wearing and tucked the tie in between the buttons to keep it from falling into the engine. Then Kurt leaned under the hood and began fiddling with some wires. "That's your problem. Your starter isn't getting any juice because the wire is frayed. You have any electrical tape?"

Puck shook his head. "Nah man." Kurt rolled his eyes and grabbed his coat and book bag before heading over to his Baby, the shiny black Lincoln Navigator that every boy in school envied. Puck followed him. "You aren't just gonna leave are you? I could really use a ride."

"I'm not leaving," Kurt said. He sat his stuff inside and then went to the back of the SUV where there was a toolbox. "My dad makes sure I have the essentials for basic car repair. He's a little paranoid that I'll get stranded somewhere." He grabbed a roll of black electrical tape and some pliers-looking tool.

They went back to Puck's truck and Kurt set to work patching up the wire so that his battery was able to power the truck's starter. Puck watched in fascination as Kurt's small hands seemed to work magic. And then his eyes were drawn down Kurt's slim form, drawn to the way he was bent over the front of Puck's truck and to the way that position made Kurt's very tight skinny jeans even tighter, calling Puck's attention to his perfect ass. Puck was unable to escape the vision, despite his attempts to move his eyes back to the engine and safer sights.

_Moon shine on the bayou Love shrine break the taboo I wanna know what's in your potion Bound by total devotion_

In only a few minutes, Kurt was sending a startled Puck back into the truck to try starting it again. It turned over right away. "Hey! That's great man! Thanks," Puck said with a smile as he came back around to the front of the truck. Kurt was still looking into the engine compartment. "What's wrong?"

"When was the last time you did any sort of maintenance on this truck?" Kurt asked.

"Like what?" Puck asked.

"Like an oil change," Kurt said with exasperation. "Changing the plugs and the air filters, flushing the radiator, changing the belts… Any of this ring a bell?"

Puck shrugged. "It's an old junker. I just figured I'd keep it until it dies and then get another."

"This truck can go for another fifteen years if you take care of it," Kurt said.

"I don't want to still be driving this thing in fifteen years," Puck said.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "That isn't the point. The point is if you take care of the truck, you won't have to worry about it breaking down all the time. Keeping it running is cheaper than fixing it when it stops working the next time and it's certainly cheaper than replacing it."

"Gotcha," Puck said easily. "Can you write down all the stuff I need to get done?"

Kurt sighed. "Just bring it to my dad's garage on Sunday."

"I thought the garage was closed on Sunday," Puck said.

"It is," Kurt said patiently. "Which is why it's the perfect time to bring your truck. If I teach you how to do the work yourself, all you'll have to pay for is parts. If you have a mechanic do it, it's going to cost you."

Puck knew he didn't want to have to dip into his savings for the truck so he nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'll bring it by Sunday morning. Will it run until then?"

"It should," Kurt said confidently. Then again, most of what Kurt did he did confidently.

"How do you know this stuff?" Puck said. Kurt gave him a disbelieving look. "I mean, I know your dad probably taught you. I just never thought you'd be into cars and stuff."

"Cars are easier than people most of the time," Kurt said quietly and Puck was sure he was getting another glimpse past Kurt's mask. "But, no, that isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. I help out at the garage when Dad needs the extra hands, but I won't be taking over the business some day."

"That's cool."

There was a moment of awkward silence before Kurt spoke again. "I'll show you how to keep the truck up, but you are going to be the one doing the work, so dress in clothes that you don't care about ruining. And plan to be there all day. You have years of neglect to deal with."

"Okay," Puck agreed. "Um... not to sound greedy, but what about the music stuff?"

"Well, I'm free for a few hours Saturday morning, but my afternoon and evening are spoken for," Kurt said. "I think this is going to be a long term project, so maybe we should just set a couple times a week when we can both meet."

"Saturday mornings are almost always good," Puck agreed. "And I can do an evening during the week, but it can't be Tuesdays. That's the night I take Sarah out."

"Sarah?"

"My little sister," Puck said. "We go out for dinner and just hang out together.'

"That's… sweet." Kurt said with evident surprise. "Well, you seem to be free now so how about Wednesdays starting next week?"

"That's cool," Puck said. "At least football's done for the year so we don't have to schedule around that. Well, I should go… Thanks for your help."

"You're welcome, Noah Puckerman," Kurt said and then walked back to his SUV.

Puck watched him go—the sway of his hips as he sashayed across the parking lot was mesmerizing—and wondered what it was about that kid that made him so intriguing. It wasn't the clothes or the obvious gayness. It had something to do with the way he carried himself with dignity and self-assurance even with a face full of slushie. It had something to do with the way he seemed to excel at whatever he put an effort into. It had something to do with the innocence that was still evident in his eyes, despite the jaded exterior. Puck could appreciate the need to build a tough exterior to protect your heart. Maybe that was it: he saw the similarities between them.

Then again, maybe Kurt Hummel was just a witch who had put him under some sort of spell.

_I was lookin' for love all over You're the hunter and I'm your prey Now I'm lost in a love hangover I try to leave but I have to stay_

**PKPKPKPKPK**

The rest of the week seemed to prove Puck's suspicions correct. Kurt Hummel, resident gay kid, had done something to Puck. When Puck had gone home on Wednesday after Kurt helped him with his truck, his mind had been filled with thoughts of the kid. Even as he prepared dinner for him and Sarah he kept wondering about the glimpses of honest emotion he had seen. He wondered why Kurt had offered to help him—not once, but twice in one day—after all the cruel shit Puck had said and done to him over the years. He wondered why Kurt's ass looked so much hotter than Santana's.

So the first time Puck ran into Kurt on Thursday, he froze and then turned and walked the other way. But Puck was a badass and badasses do not run away from pretty little gay boys. No, a true badass faces his fears head on and then beats the shit out of the metaphorical monsters in the closet. So the next time he saw Kurt, Puck went up to him to thank him again for the help with his car and to settle on a time for Saturday morning. When Kurt walked away, however, Puck couldn't stop his eyes from drifting. He was so caught up in watching Kurt's ass sway that he missed the last bell for class, meaning he was late for English class, the only class he actually liked and was getting A's in.

_Swamp sings over the bazaar Snake bites aligning stars I'm in rapture there is no cure No sanctuary from your allure_

Friday was more of the same. Every time Puck ran into Kurt, he became slightly tongue-tied and his eyes were constantly straying away from Kurt's face. If the kid didn't think he was an idiot already, Puck was sure he would after listening to Puck babble on and on about how much he hated 90's boy band music as they walked to their lockers between sixth and seventh period. Kurt had walked away from that disastrous encounter with a look of bewildered amusement. And somehow Puck found even that cute. He was a lost cause.

Puck spent Friday night trying to analyze what he was feeling but was having absolutely no luck. After all, he wasn't gay, so it couldn't be anything like that. But it was so much like a crush that Puck couldn't figure out what it actually was. After putting Sarah to bed and leaving dinner on the counter for his Ma when she got home from the hospital, Puck went up to his room to think.

Puck's Ma was a nurse and had worked five straight days of 12 hour shifts, so she would have the next three days off before starting up again. Puck knew that her schedule next week was going to be midnight to noon, so chances were pretty good that neither he nor Sarah would see her at all. At least when she worked noon to midnight they sometimes got to see her in the morning before school. When she worked nights , her sleep patterns were so out of whack that she rarely woke up early enough to see Sarah, though sometimes Puck would wait up to talk to her. It was a really shitty way to live, for all of them, but they somehow made it work. And when she had time off, Naomi Puckerman was the best mother she could be to her children.

Puck pulled up his music program on his computer and sorted through the many files there looking for the ones he wanted to bring over to Kurt's the next morning. He reprinted "Snatch" with the changes he had made, as well as "Harmonies", the song he and Kurt had worked on together. He found about five other songs that he thought had potential and printed them out.

Once he had everything, including his laptop, in his backpack and ready to go, Puck shut out the light and lay back in his bed. He stared at the glow in the dark star stickers that his father had put there the year before he deserted them. Puck had loved looking at the stars back then, dreaming of all the possibilities that the infinite vastness of space could hold. Now Puck looked at those same stars and reminded himself that dreams were all fine and good for most people, but people like him and his Ma had to work their asses off just to survive. If Puck wanted out of Lima, if he wanted to make a life for himself that went beyond becoming a drywaller for the local contractor, he had to _make_ it happen. Because wishes don't come true for guys like him; if they did, he'd have a dad and his Ma would be happy and wouldn't have to work so damn much.

Kurt Hummel looked like he knew something about working for what you want out of life, Puck thought. That was a kid who had fought to survive his whole life and he did it with style. And a really hot ass. Puck drifted to sleep that night with Kurt still on his mind and dreamed pleasantly disturbing dreams of the blue-eyed boy.

_'Cause the voodoo you do Is all that can do To make me into your fool 'Cause when you do voodoo I'm just like a doll That pins keep pushing into_

_So every time I try to break this trance_ _I'm almost afraid I'll miss my chance_ _To be bewitched by the bayou_ _I just gotta say I want your hex_ _I don't want to live without your hex_ _I'm so obsessed with your sexiness_


	3. Whataya Want from Me

Puck woke up the next morning with visions of Kurt writhing beneath him still swimming through his mind. It was _**not**_ a great way to wake up, even if his body said differently. His cock was hard and aching and he really wanted to jerk off, but he couldn't get pictures of Kurt out of his mind and he absolutely refused to do that while thinking of another boy. It just wasn't something a straight guy does.

Puck laid there in bed for half an hour trying to will away his morning wood, but he had no luck. Every time he tried to think of something else, his mind would return back to Kurt. Eventually, he heard his Ma and sister talking as they went down to make breakfast. He knew that Sarah would soon be up to wake him if he didn't come down first. There was no way he was letting his baby sister catch him with morning wood. So Puck finally gave in to the inevitable and jerked himself to completion, Kurt's name on the tip of his tongue as he came.

_Hey, slow it down Whataya want from me Whataya want from me_

He quickly cleaned up in the bathroom and then pulled on a pair of jeans and headed down to breakfast. Saturday mornings when their mom wasn't working were always special and they always made a huge breakfast. It was a chance for them all to catch up with each other's lives and bond as a family. It was also a time for Puck's Ma to remind him that he should be looking for a nice Jewish girl to date.

"I broke up with Santana," Puck informed his Ma before she could get too far into her lecture.

"Oh?" Naomi asked. "I… Are you okay?"

Puck shrugged. "We weren't really right for each other, so I thought it would be a good idea to move on. I'm not upset or anything, if that's what you're thinking."

"You gonna start dating her friend?" Sarah asked. "I like her."

"Britt?" Puck asked and Sarah nodded. "You just like her because you're smarter and you can manipulate her into playing with your dolls."

"I don't need to man– mani– trick her into playing with me," Sarah pouted. "She likes playing with dolls. She even brought some of her favorites from home last time she came over."

Puck opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. "Okay, I can actually see that happening. But to answer your question, no, I'm not going to start dating Britt. She's nice enough, but I just…" He looked at his Ma. "I just feel like maybe I need to take a break from all that, figure out what I actually want instead of just going with the person people expect me to date."

His Ma smiled at him and cupped his cheek. "You are a smart boy, Noah. You'll figure it out." And then with a teasing glint in her eyes… "But if whoever you end up with happens to be Jewish, I would unquestionably be thrilled."

Puck gave her a look but then noticed the clock over the sink. "Is that the time? Shit! I'm going to be late!"

"Noah Puckerman!" Naomi scolded. "Watch your mouth!" She followed him upstairs and leaned against his doorjamb while he found a clean t-shirt and socks and finished dressing. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

"Kurt's gonna help me with some of my music," Puck said. "I'm supposed to be there in five minutes."

"Will you be gone all day?" she asked as he tied his shoes.

"Kurt's got something this afternoon," Puck said and grabbed his coat, his guitar case and his backpack. "I'll be gone all day tomorrow, though. He's gonna help me fix the truck. His dad owns a garage."

"Do I know this boy?" Naomi asked suspiciously as she followed Puck back down the stairs to the foyer.

"I don't think so," Puck said. "He's in glee club." He paused to kiss her cheek. "I'll be back in a few hours."

And with that he rushed out the door, ignoring his mother's oddly intense expression.

**PKPKPKPKPK**

Puck arrived at the Hummel house about fifteen minutes late, and rushed to the front door with his backpack and guitar. He took a deep breath and knocked. Standing there waiting, the dream from the night before came back to him along with the fantasies from the shower that morning and Puck groaned. Not now. Now was definitely not the time for those thoughts. In fact those thoughts could go away forever and Puck would be quite happy.

_Yeah, I'm afraid Whataya want from me Whataya want from me_

A man opened the door and gave Puck a narrow-eyed glare. "Who are you?"

Puck swallowed back the instinct to run. He was a badass. No middle-aged papa bear was going to scare him off. "Um, I'm Puck… Noah Puckerman… sir. I'm here to—"

"Dad!" Kurt's scolding voice came from behind the burly and angry looking man. "Please do not threaten and intimidate my friends. _It's impolite_."

The scary man looked a bit sheepish when he turned to his son. "I don't like strange boys turning up here." He looked at Puck again and the glare was back.

"Noah isn't some strange boy," Kurt said. "He's my friend. We're in glee club together and we're working on a project together. I _**told**_ you all this last night!"

Burt Hummel turned back to Kurt. "You told me a friend from glee was coming over. I expected Mercedes or at the very worst some…"

"Geek?" Kurt provided huffily. From his spot on the front porch, Puck could see that Kurt's arms were crossed and his foot was tapping. Uh oh. He was in full diva mode now. "Is that what you assumed? That all the kids in glee club are wimpy little geeks? Like me? Is that what you think of your own son?"

"I uh…" It was apparent that Burt Hummel was no better at dealing with Kurt in a full diva snit than any of the boys in glee club.

"Noah is a football player and he is in glee," Kurt huffed. "Get over it and stop being rude to my guests." Kurt shouldered his dad out of the way and finally greeted Puck. "Noah, won't you come in?"

Puck gave one last wary look at Burt Hummel before nodding and following Kurt inside and then down the stairs to his basement bedroom. Puck took a moment to look around. It was actually nothing like he would have expected from Kurt. It was all sleek modern furnishings and monochromatic color scheme. He had expected something girlier, like pink ruffles and a canopy bed.

"I like your room," Puck said as he headed over to the white leather sofa along one wall.

"Thanks," Kurt said. "Sorry about my dad. He can be a bit…"

"Overprotective?" Puck said with a smirk. "I get that a lot from fathers, just not ones who look like they could take my head off and _actually would_ without a second thought."

Kurt came and sat down on the other end of the sofa and Puck took a moment to really look at the other boy. He was dressed more casually than he usually did for school, but he still looked really hot. He was wearing pink track pants that hung low on his hips and a loose pink sweat shirt that had been cropped to fall just above his belly button, leaving a wide stripe of pale flesh exposed. His feet were bare and Puck could see that his toenails had been painted pink just a shade darker than the pink of his clothes. It was very girly, but it somehow worked for Kurt.

"Forgive my appearance," Kurt said, having noticed Puck's stare. "I must look an absolute mess. I was doing yoga and completely lost track of time."

Yoga. Puck's mind went to all sorts of places it shouldn't. Yoga was that shit that girls did to make them all limber and flexible. Limber and flexible was hot.

Puck cleared his throat. "That's okay. Um..."

"We should probably get to work," Kurt said and leaned forward to take the papers from Puck's hands. Puck barely held back a whimper when Kurt's natural musky scent hit his nose and his position gave Puck a clear view of the top of Kurt's fine, fine ass. Kurt, seemingly oblivious to Puck's discomfort, sat back with the papers in his hand and began flipping through them. "Anything in particular you wanted to work on first?"

"Well, if you think there's a chance Snatch could be picked, I guess we should do that one first," Puck said a little breathlessly. This whole thing—being around Kurt and smelling him and getting aroused—was scaring him more than Burt Hummel's glares had.

Kurt picked up the music for Snatch and went over to the keyboard in the corner of the room to play through the melody a few times before shrugging and turning back to Puck. It took every ounce of willpower Puck had, but he forced himself to concentrate on the work and not on Kurt's ass or his lips, or his really fucking cut abs.

For the next three hours they worked and played around with arrangements until they were both satisfied and then Puck entered the music into his computer. When they were finished, they both smiled at each other.

"That was really great," Puck said after he had gathered his things and was ready to leave. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Noah," Kurt said with a smile that went straight to Puck's groin. "I'll see you tomorrow at 8?"

"I'll be there," Puck agreed and then rushed from the basement room before Kurt could see the bulge in the front of his jeans.

The entire ride home, Puck cursed and swore and tried to deny that he was turned on by the gay kid he had picked on since freshman year. He tried to deny the sex dreams and the fantasies and the arousal. He tried to remind himself that he was straight and that he had fucked half the female population between the ages of 15 and 50 in Lima.

But even as he remembered those sexual encounters he remembered how empty and worthless each one had left him feeling. He remembered never really being comfortable or happy, even if he did get off. He remembered thinking that there must be something wrong with him if he wasn't satisfied by that much pussy even as he bragged to his jock buddies. He remembered fucking more and more women trying to find one that could make him feel… something… _anything_.

_There might have been a time When I would give myself away (Ooh) Once upon a time I didn't give a damn But now here we are So whataya want from me Whataya want from me_

Puck swore one more time as he pulled into his drive at home and rested his head against the steering wheel. He finally understood. Kurt Hummel wasn't the only gay kid at McKinley.

**PKPKPKPKPK**

Puck woke up early on Sunday morning, which was quite surprising since he had barely slept that night. His mind had been stuck repeating the same phrase over and over as if on a loop: I'm gay! I'm gay! I'm gay! It made sleeping next to impossible. He had promised to meet Kurt at 8, so Puck wearily climbed from his bed at 7:30 and headed for the shower. He knew that neither his mother nor his sister would be up that early when they didn't have to be. So he dressed and grabbed a bowl of cereal for breakfast. He left his Ma a note, reminding her where he was going and left the house ten minutes to 8.

Just as Puck pulled into the garage parking lot, Kurt opened one of the bay doors and motioned for him to drive the truck inside. Kurt was already wearing a pair of coveralls that looked very strange on the usually immaculately dressed boy. He stood back and guided Puck so that he got the truck onto the lift without a problem and then shut the engine down and climbed out.

Kurt shut the garage door to keep out the cold January winds and turned to Puck. "Well, we should start with the basics. I grabbed a pair of my dad's coveralls that should fit you. Pull them on and we can get started."

Puck did as he was told and then turned to find Kurt with his head stuck under the hood of his truck. The way he bent made his ass just stick right out, and baggy coveralls or no, his ass was better than any girl Puck had ever known. Puck felt like a freak, and he had to deliberately shake off all thoughts about Kurt's ass. It wasn't even 8:15 and he was already getting hard for the boy.

"Alright, Noah, let's start with the oil change…"

_Yeah, it's plain to see That baby you're beautiful And it's nothing wrong with you It's me, I'm a freak But thanks for lovin' me Cause you're doing it perfectly_

**PKPKPKPKPK**

Somehow, Puck was able to keep his errant libido in check for the majority of the day, despite being so close to Kurt and smelling that same musky scent from the day before. Working with Kurt was easier than Puck would have imagined. Sure, the guy could out-snark the bitchiest of bitches, but he was actually pretty patient with Puck as he taught him how to do all the things that needed to be done to keep his truck running.

"We'll need to replace your timing belt, but that's a pretty big job and I'll probably have to spend a couple days on it," Kurt said. "So I'll have to talk to my dad first. But, if you're feeling up to it, we can fix your exhaust system next week."

"What's wrong with my exhaust system?" Puck asked curiously.

Kurt gave him that superior look with one brow raised. "Well, first of all, your muffler should not be held on by duct tape and wire clothes hangers."

"Oh," Puck said. His attention was stolen by a smear of grease that was on Kurt's cheek. Before he knew what he was doing, Puck reached out and cupped Kurt's cheek and used his thumb to gently wipe the grease away. Kurt froze the minute that Puck touched him and was staring like he had grown an extra head. Puck dropped his hand and flushed with embarrassment. "You, um, had some grease…"

Kurt blinked at him. "Noah, I'm covered with grease."

"Yeah, right," Puck sighed and turned away. "Sorry." There were a couple minutes of awkward silence as Puck stripped off the coveralls that Kurt had loaned him and Kurt opened the bay door. When that was done, Puck grabbed his jacket and car keys. He still hadn't looked at Kurt again. "I guess, I should get going."

Kurt put a hand on Puck's arm and looked questioningly at him. "What's going on?"

Puck had no choice but to look at Kurt then and as soon as he did, as soon as he saw the concern and confusion on his face, Puck knew that he was lost. He knew that he was not leaving that garage without kissing Kurt Hummel. And Kurt must have seen his intent in his eyes because he took a sudden step back.

_There might have been a time When I would let you step away I wouldn't even try but I think You could save my life_

Puck stepped forward and reached for Kurt. He pulled the other boy into his arms ignoring Kurt's gasp of surprise. Kurt didn't say anything and he didn't pull away, so Puck leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Kurt's lips were soft, softer than Santana's or most girls Puck had kissed, but they were strong too. And when Kurt finally responded and began to kiss Puck back, he knew that kissing Kurt was nothing like kissing any of the girls he had ever kissed. Kurt may have kept his skin smooth and moisturized, but he could not avoid the light stubble on his upper lip and chin. And he tasted of mints and the coffee they had drunk with their lunch. But more than anything, the way their bodies fit together, all planes and angles and hardness pressing against hardness, made the experience completely distinctive. And so, _**so**_ good.

When Kurt moaned into the kiss, however, some residual panic settled into Puck's chest and he suddenly couldn't breathe. He pulled away quickly and tried to say something, anything, to Kurt, but nothing would come out. So he climbed into his truck and started it up. As he pulled out of the garage, Puck watched a very stunned and confused Kurt Hummel staring back at him.

_Just don't give up I'm workin' it out Please don't give in I won't let you down It messed me up_

_Need a second to breathe Just keep coming around Hey, whataya want from me Whataya want from me_


	4. Strut

Puck drove home with his guts twisted in a knot and wished that he had someone he could talk to about shit like this. He was pretty sure that his mom would try to understand, but she had more than enough problems to deal with that he didn't want to add to them. Besides, why upset her until he knew for sure what exactly he was going to do? He thought about his friends and knew that none of the guys he hung out with would want to listen to him, especially about something like this. Then he thought about the geeky kids from glee and knew that they would probably understand, but he had never made an effort to befriend them. Santana would laugh her ass off and then proceed to tell the rest of the Cheerios, making sure his business would be all over the school by morning.

Puck sighed and knew that there was only one option, and it was one he was loath to take.

_I want to start a revolution A type of personal solution We all have got our own pollution It's all about the execution_

Nevertheless, first thing Monday morning, Puck took himself off to the guidance office and sat down across the desk from Miss Pillsbury and dumped everything on her. Everything from breaking up with Santana and then noticing Kurt's ass for the first time up to kissing Kurt in his garage. He told her about his music and how great it was to have someone he could talk to about that stuff. He told her about the truck and not having a dad to teach him things like that. He told her about not wanting to burden his mom with his problems because she worked so hard to keep things together. He told her about taking care of his sister and the house and cooking dinner and trying to be a good brother and son. He told her that he desperately wanted to be something more than a Lima loser. He told her that he was a badass, but somehow that didn't stop him from being afraid.

And for an hour, Miss Pillsbury sat and listened to him with a stunned expression. When Puck finally wound down, she took a deep breath and said, "Wow. That's a lot of stuff you're dealing with."

"Yeah," Puck agreed.

"Noah, of all the things that you talked about, which is bothering you the most?" Miss Pillsbury asked. "I mean, you've been dealing with things okay up until now, and you seem to have some ideas about how to go about getting out of Lima."

Puck shrugged. "I was coping with all that, but then… when all this stuff came up with Kurt, I suddenly realized just how alone I am. I mean, I don't have anyone I can talk to about this shit. And being gay around here sure isn't going to win me any friends."

"I know it feels that way right now, but I'm sure that isn't true," Miss Pillsbury said. Before Puck could argue, she continued. "And even if it is true, it doesn't have to stay that way. You said that you haven't made an effort to befriend the other kids in glee. Maybe that would be a place to begin."

"I guess I could do that," Puck said.

"As for…"

"Being gay?" Puck asked.

"Yes, that," Miss Pillsbury said. "I know it can be a frightening and confusing thing to bare your soul to another person, especially one you are attracted to, but I honestly think that the person who would best understand what you are going through is Kurt. He obviously cares about you if he's been helping you. Maybe you should just be honest and talk to him."

Puck nodded. "Yeah, I guess I can try. But if I freeze up again, I think he might think I've lost my mind."

**PKPKPKPKPK**

The day had dragged by for Puck even more than usual as he contemplated talking to Kurt. He felt like everyone should be able to see that he was different, that he had experienced a major personal upheaval, but no one seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. By the time glee rehearsal came around that afternoon, Puck had read through the pamphlets that Miss Pillsbury had given him and had psyched himself up for the talk. Of course, as soon as he walked into the choir room he knew that it wasn't going to be a good day to talk to anyone about anything.

Puck wasn't late, but it was obvious that the others had all arrived early, because by the time he walked through the door, the team had been split seemingly down the middle and were screaming at each other. He wasn't quite sure what the argument was about, but he did see that Rachel and Quinn were at the center of it and Finn was looking more than a little guilty. Great, Finn's inability to make up his mind and stick to it had caused another rift in the group.

Puck placed his fingers in his mouth and let out a shrill whistle, startling his fellow glee-clubbers into silence. "Whatever personal grudges you guys might have do not belong in here. If you want to fight over Finn, do it somewhere else so that the rest of us can rehearse in peace."

There were several chuckles and a few blushes as people began to settle into their seats. Quinn and Rachel, however were glaring at him.

"I don't think it's your place to tell us what to do," Rachel said. "As team captain—"

"As team captain you should know better than to allow your personal problems to interfere with the good of the team," Puck scolded her. "So either shut up and sit down or storm out, because the rest of us want to get to work."

He pushed past her and took a seat in the back row near the center. Rachel stared at him for a long minute before she turned on her heal and stormed out. Finn looked torn but eventually shrugged and followed Rachel. Quinn's face fell and she left through the other door, heading in the opposite direction. Surprisingly, Santana followed her. Huh. Maybe she had more heart than Puck had given her credit for.

Moments later, Schue arrived and asked where the others were. There were a number of people ready and willing to spill the gossip.

"Well, Noah, that was rather out of character," Kurt said from the seat beside Puck. Puck hadn't even noticed him sit down. "I've never known you to get involved in any of the team disputes unless you were a direct participant."

Puck shrugged. "I had things I wanted to do, and listening to them argue and dragging everyone else into it was among them."

"What did you want to do?" Kurt asked tentatively.

Puck turned to look in Kurt's amazing eyes. They were green today, reflecting the color in Kurt's emerald shirt. "I wanted to talk to you."

_You got something to say Your hands are tied Open your mouth, open it wide Let the freedom begin_

Kurt was about to respond but just then Mr. Schuester decided that they had wasted enough rehearsal time on personal issues and started talking about the value of teamwork and assigned them to find a team of two or more and come up with a song to perform that illustrated teamwork.

Puck and Kurt both groaned. "That's really lame," Puck said quietly.

"Well, he didn't say the _song_ had to be about teamwork, just that it _illustrates_ teamwork," Kurt mused.

"What did you have in mind?" Puck said, pleased that Kurt seemed to assume they would work together.

Kurt smiled at Puck. "We could do one of your songs, one we arrange together. That illustrates teamwork."

Puck smiled back. "That sounds like a great idea. Wanna start now? I have a couple songs I thought we could work on this week in my bag. I thought you might want to read through them beforehand."

Kurt chuckled at Puck's enthusiasm. "Sure. Get your guitar and I'll see if we can stay and use the piano. I think the other groups are all leaving to work on the assignment."

Puck started to grab his bag but his eyes were drawn to Kurt as the other boy made his way down the stairs to talk with Schue. It was like Kurt's ass was magnetic or something, drawing Puck's eyes every time he walked away. The fact that no one had called him on it yet only spoke to how unobservant the people around them were. Just the little sway of Kurt's hips as he walked and then the way his hip jutted out as he spoke with Schue made Puck hard. And when Kurt did a little shimmying wiggle, Puck had to hold back a moan.

_Get on the floor, just let it drive Don't it feel good, don't it feel hot? Feel the fire within_

This was so wrong. Not because he hadn't accepted that he was attracted to Kurt. He really had. Puck was not one to stew over his emotions like some angst ridden emo kid. He had whined and moaned and fought his feelings for a day or so and now he was… well, not perfectly fine, but he accepted that he was gay. He just didn't know what to do with that knowledge now that he had it.

No, this was wrong for a completely different reason. This was wrong because Noah "Puck" Puckerman, Sex Shark and Badass extraordinaire, does not get random and uncontrollable erections—at least not since he was 12. He left that embarrassing phenomenon to guys like Finn.

Nevertheless, here he was bent over pretending to be searching through his backpack for the music while he tried valiantly to will away his erection. And it wasn't the first time Kurt had done this to him. There was just something about the boy that made Puck's hormones go absolutely crazy.

Kurt turned and walked back towards Puck and the view returning was just as good at the one leaving. The way Kurt's jeans clung to him, showing off every inch of his lean and muscular legs, the way they hinted at the cock hidden inside, the way Kurt's tight gray vest and knee high gray combat boots hugged him, the way he strutted like he was on a runway rather than walking through a classroom in some podunk town in Ohio made Puck almost drool with desire.

_I wanna see you strut (strut, strut) C'mon walk for me Strut (strut, strut) How you wanna be_

"He says we can stay and use the piano as long as we lock up when we're done," Kurt said. He took in the flush on Puck's face and asked, "Are you okay?"

Puck looked around the room and realized that they were alone and sighed with relief. "No, I'm not okay." Before Kurt could say anything else, Puck had pulled the other boy onto his lap and was kissing him again. This time with every bit of passion that had been building since Wednesday. Their tongues tangled and twined in an erotic dance that had both boys achingly hard in mere minutes.

Kurt pulled away breathlessly. "Wh– What…? Why?"

"Because I can't take my eyes off you," Puck said and planted a kiss on Kurt's neck. "Because I dream about you." Another kiss just below his ear. "Because I think I might be falling for you." Puck moved to kiss Kurt's lips once again and the other boy was too lost in the feeling of Puck's mouth melding with his own to really comprehend what he had said to him.

_Everybody's lookin' for some love But they don't know How to let it all hang out And that's why they're solo (solo, solo) Don't wanna be solo (solo, solo) Don't wanna be solo_

Kurt pulled back once more. "But you aren't gay."

"Who says?" Puck asked.

Kurt seemed to consider that. "What about all those girls and women and Santana?"

Puck leaned his head against Kurt's shoulder and sighed. "We're going to have to talk about this aren't we?"

"Well, yes," Kurt said. "I think a shift in sexual orientation this monumental deserves a bit of conversation."

Puck chuckled and kissed Kurt one last time before urging him to move to a separate seat. Puck kept Kurt's hand, however; he needed the physical contact.

_We're a complicated nation And now we're in a situation Let's take a make-believe vacation And get yourself some validation_

Puck took a deep breath and began his tale. "It all started when you stopped to help me with my truck. Or that's when I noticed for the first time."

"Noticed what?" Kurt asked.

"That I spend way too much time staring at your ass," Puck said with a self-deprecating smile. "I never even realized I was doing it until then, but the whole time you were bent over the truck, my mind just kept… Yeah, so anyway, that's what got me started thinking and wondering—and freaking out really."

"The freaking out I can understand," Kurt said. "I did a bit of that after you left yesterday."

Puck snorted with amusement. "Me too. So yeah, I, uh, thought about what I was feeling and why and then I thought about all the girls I've been with 'cause I totally thought the same thing you did. I mean, how could a sex shark totally miss the fact that he likes dudes? But then I realized that a big part of the reason that there were so many girls and MILFs and none of them lasted was the fact that none of them… I wasn't really happy with any of them. I mean, I totally got off and everything, and I rocked their worlds, but they never really rocked my world, you know what I mean?"

"I think so," Kurt said guardedly.

"So yeah," Puck said. "I figured that between that and getting hard every time you even smile at me it was a pretty good guess that I'm gay."

"And you figured this out when?" Kurt asked.

Puck thought about that. "Saturday after we worked on the music together. And I kinda freaked then and hardly slept that night. But then I figured that hey, I'm a badass, and badasses don't let stupid shit like sexuality scare us. Besides, getting all angsty over shit just isn't my style. So I accepted it."

Kurt blinked at Puck. "Just like that? You notice that you are attracted to one guy, mull it over for a day and then you just accept it."

"Yeah," Puck said with a frown of confusion at the disbelieving tone in Kurt's voice. "It's not like it's calculus. That shit is _hard_. This is simple. I like you. I want you in a way I never wanted those girls, and I don't just mean sex, though sex is a part of it. So, yeah, that makes me gay, but it doesn't change who I am and it doesn't mean anything more than I'm looking at a different set of body parts when I perv."

"You are one strange boy," Kurt muttered. He stood up and pulled his hand away, leaving Puck feeling a little rejected. "We don't have time to go through all this right now; we should work on the song."

Puck followed Kurt down the steps but didn't get his guitar. "Wait. What just happened here?"

Kurt sat down on the piano bench and played a couple notes before looking up at Puck. "I'm not interested in being your experiment, Noah. I'll be your friend and your music writing partner. I'll help you fix up your truck, but I won't help you explore your sexuality."

Puck stared at him for a long minute with hurt and confusion in his eyes. "You think this is just some… test? You think I'd use you like that?"

Kurt shrugged, his eyes fixed back on the keyboard. "Why not? I'm the resident gay kid. Who better to help you explore."

"This isn't an experiment!" Puck shouted, getting angry. "I'm gay, damn it!"

Kurt got angry in return. "You don't just wake up one day and decide you like cock! And liking one boy's ass doesn't make you gay!"

Puck shook his head and said very quietly. "Fuck you. I thought you would understand. I thought we were friends, but I guess I was wrong." Puck grabbed his bag and his guitar and left without saying another word to Kurt.

_I'll be your mirror Darling, let your hair down Show me what you're working with and let me see you Strut (strut, strut), strut (strut, strut) How you wanna be_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please don't throw rotten fruit at me or kick any cute innocent puppies out of frustration. Everyone was so happy with how things were going and I just kept having to bite my tongue and not say that it wasn't going to keep going so smoothly. The story is set as Angst for a reason. And it's going to get worse before it gets better. So be please be patient and don't hurt me! If I'm dead, I can't write any new stories. Jules


	5. Aftermath

" _ **Have you lost your way? Livin' in the shadow of the messes that you made And so it goes Everything inside your circle starts to overflow Take a step before you leap Into the colours that you seek You'll get back what you give away So don't look back on yesterday"**_

Puck blasted "Aftermath" through his headphones as he sat and stared out at the reservoir. He had really thought that Kurt would not only support his self-discovery, but be glad that Puck wanted him. Instead, Kurt had rejected him in every way possible. He wanted to be his friend? That was such bullshit. A friend doesn't accuse you of lying and manipulation when you pour your heart out to him.

"One boy," Puck muttered to the empty night. "He thinks he's the only boy I've ever noticed? Conceited much Hummel?"

Now that Puck was being honest with himself, he could admit that there had been more than a few boys that he had noticed sexually. It was just that Kurt was the one who made him want to own up to his feelings. Kurt was the first guy that Puck had thought was worth turning his life upside down for. And what did he get in return? He got accusations and disbelief.

Well, to hell with Kurt Hummel. Puck knew what he was and he knew what he wanted. And if Kurt Hummel was too dumb to know what a catch Puck was, then he wasn't worth Puck's time.

Except that Kurt was the greatest guy that Puck knew. He was a great singer, great with music, great with cars, smart, funny—in that rude, sarcastic way of his—and sexy as all get out. There wasn't another boy like him anywhere. Kurt was the absolute best there was, and Puck didn't want to settle for second best.

So Puck needed to figure out how he was going to convince Kurt to be with him. First, he would have to convince Kurt that he really was gay and that he wasn't just experimenting. Then he would have to find a way to make Kurt fall for him the way he had fallen for Kurt. Neither task was going to be easy and Puck knew that he was going to need help with both. He'd already gone to Miss Pillsbury and that hadn't helped a whole lot, at least not with getting Kurt, so Puck had only one other option.

**PKPKPKPKPK**

Puck was glad that his Ma's new shift didn't start until tomorrow, because he really needed to talk to her. He knew that he was late getting home, but he also knew she would be happy to see him. Puck's Ma was the one person in his life that he knew loved him unconditionally. Even when he disappointed her, like with dating some non-Jewish girl or when he failed a class, she was always there to hug him and tell him it would all be okay. Right then, that's all Puck wanted.

"Noah, sweetie? Where have you been?" his Ma asked as soon as he walked through the door. "You missed dinner, but I saved you a plate." Puck walked into the living room and hugged his mother and didn't let go. "Hey, what's all this? Talk to me my little boychik."

Puck sat down with her on the sofa and rested his head on her shoulder while she wrapped comforting arms around him. It was the same way they would sit together whenever Puck was feeling bad ever since he was a little boy. "I got into an argument with a friend of mine at school and went up to the reservoir for a while to think things over. But I don't know what to do. He won't believe me and I really need him to know I'm serious."

"Sweetie," Puck's Ma said with a small chuckle, "you need to make a little more sense than that. Why don't you start from the beginning?"

Puck sighed and nodded. "I told you that I broke up with Santana. Well, afterward, the truck wouldn't start and Kurt came over to help me. He'd already helped me with my music and had offered to help again. So he fixed the truck and offered to help me do some stuff to keep it running good. But…"

"What is it sweetie?" Her arms tightened slightly as she rubbed soothing circles over Puck's back. "Just tell me."

"I noticed that I spent a lot of time… noticing Kurt," Puck said quietly. Ruth Puckerman stopped her hands, but she didn't move away and Puck didn't really notice the way she tensed up. "He's… he's just really great and he looks… really cute and hot and… well, I kind of figured out that I really like Kurt. I mean, like I could maybe fall in love with him. And so I started freaking out a bit, because I never really thought I could be gay, you know.

"But I knew that I wasn't really happy with any of the girls I'd dated or whatever," Puck said, not pausing to let his mother think too hard about his past girls. "And so I figured out that, yeah, I really am gay. And then I kissed Kurt." Ruth Puckerman gasped, but it was soft enough that Puck, lost in his own story, didn't notice. "And then I ran away. But then I went to talk to him today and I told him everything and we kissed some more, but he… he doesn't believe me. He thinks this is just some experiment or something."

Puck took a shaky breath before going on, "It's not an experiment. I know how I feel. I know what I am. But he's—"

"You are not gay," Ruth hissed quietly, as though afraid if she said it too loud that someone might hear.

Puck sat up and looked at his mother with surprise. "But Ma, I know that I am."

"You are not gay," Ruth repeated, a little louder this time. "No son of mine is… like that. Do you understand me? You are _not_ gay."

"But Ma—"

"I said you're not gay," Ruth reiterated. "I mean it, Noah."

Puck frowned as it finally began to sink in what his mother was saying. "Ma, I can't just pretend to be straight."

"It's worked so far," his Ma said. She pushed away from him and stood up to begin pacing the room. "You've fucked every lonely woman in town—making a complete mockery of this family with every decent person in this town—so I know you can function in bed with a woman. There is absolutely no reason you need to embarrass this family any more than you already have."

"Ma, I'm not going to go back to pretending," Puck said quietly. "I don't think I can, even if I wanted to, but I don't want to."

_Wanna scream out No more hiding Don't be afraid of what's inside Gonna tell ya you'll be alright In the Aftermath_

Ruth stared at Puck and he hardly recognized the hard look in her eyes. "Get out."

"Ma!" Puck cried, his breathing harsh as he felt his world crumbling around him. "You can't mean that."

"I'm sorry, Noah," she said, but she sounded angry and inflexible, not apologetic. "I will not have you flaunting your lifestyle or passing your immoral opinions on to your sister. I want you out of this house. If you change your mind, you'll be welcome to return. But as long as you insist on clinging to this perversion I won't have you living under this roof."

Noah felt like his chest was going to explode. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. There was a ringing in his ears and he knew a pain unlike anything he could ever remember feeling before. He remembered how it had hurt after his father left, but that was nothing compared to this. This was a thousand times worse.

"Go!" Ruth shouted, and Puck was startled out of his immobility. He nodded and walked slowly to the stairs. He stuffed as much of his stuff as he could into a couple big duffle bags he'd stolen from the football team. He looked longingly at his game system, but wasn't sure if he would even have a place to plug it in, so he left it. Maybe he could come back later… Later… He could think about everything later. Right now, he just had to concentrate on the task at hand and forget everything else.

_Anytime anybody pulls you down Anytime anybody says you're not allowed Just remember you are not alone In the Aftermath_

Puck pulled on his coat, grabbed the two duffle bags, slung his backpack over his shoulder and picked up his guitar. He trudged back down the stairs and saw that his mother was standing by the door, that same hard look on her face.

He tried one last time, "Ma—"

"Just go," she said, her voice quiet but callous.

Puck nodded and walked out the door.

**PKPKPKPKPK**

Puck drove for a while, but he really had no idea where to go. He thought about Carole Hudson, she had always liked him, but things had been really bad between him and his ex-best friend ever since Puck slept with Finn's girlfriend and then dated Rachel, who everyone knew Finn had a crush on. He thought about going to Kurt's but… he was still reeling from the fight they had that day and Mr. Hummel hadn't seemed like the type to welcome him with open arms.

Puck pulled his truck into the parking lot of the strip mall near his house and parked away from the rest of the cars. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know where to go. How had his life spun out of control so completely?

Just that morning, Miss Pillsbury had been advising him to talk to Kurt about his feelings and now… But she had assumed that Kurt was the only gay person that Puck knew. In truth, Puck knew two other gay people. While he and Rachel may not have dated long, he had gotten to meet her two dads a few times. They seemed really nice, and they would probably at least listen to him and try to help him out.

With that in mind, Puck started his truck up again and turned towards the Berry house.

_You feel the weight Of lies and contradictions that you live with every day It's not too late Think of what can be if you rewrite the role you play Take a step before you leap Into the colours that you seek You get back what you give away So don't look back on yesterday_

Puck pulled up to the house and shut his truck off. He didn't bother to grab his bags. He didn't know if he would be staying or not. The walk up to their house seemed ten times longer than he remembered, but he made it to the front door and rang the bell. He knew it was late—not so late that everyone would be in bed, but later than was polite to drop in unannounced—so he wasn't surprised that it took a few minutes for anyone to answer.

"Noah?" Gary opened the door and recognized Puck right away. "Rachel didn't mention that you were stopping by."

"I…" Puck couldn't even explain. His eyes filled with tears and be broke down in sobs as the weight of everything came crashing in on him. Gary pulled him into the house and into his arms and Puck was grateful that there was at least one parent in the world who didn't hate him. Puck was somewhat aware when Ari came into the hall, but not enough to really understand what they were saying to each other. It was that distraction that helped him pull himself together. He stepped back and wiped his face with his sleeve. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just…"

"Noah, it's fine," Gary said kindly. "Ari went to put on tea and ask Rachel to stay upstairs for a while. I assume you didn't come to talk to her." Puck shook his head. "Let's go sit in the living room where we can talk, okay?"

Puck followed him to the comfortable room and Puck marveled once again at how differently these people lived from the way he and his family had always lived. Maybe it was just because they had two parents working to provide for their kid, but Puck thought it was more than that.

Ari came in with a tea tray a minute later and Puck accepted the cup he was handed. His hands were shaking a little, but the tea actually helped calm him down a little. Huh. He'd always thought that was just some old wives' tale.

_Before you break you have to shed your armor Take a trip and fall into the glitter Tell a stranger that they're beautiful So all you feel is love, love All you feel is love, love_

"Are you ready to talk?" Gary asked gently.

Puck nodded and took a shuddering breath. "Um, yeah. I guess so. It's just been… a really, _**really**_ , bad day."

"Let's start at the beginning," Ari said with a sympathetic smile.

"I guess, the beginning is that I figured out that I'm… gay," Puck said. "And I have this crush on a boy, and I know he's gay too, but when I told him, he said I was lying and just experimenting. I was pretty upset, so I went to the reservoir to think for a while and decided that I should talk to my mom about it. She al-always knows what to do."

Puck took another sip of his tea to chase away the tears that threatened to start again. "Ma's always been great about everything, but… she wasn't great about this. She… told me I wasn't al-allowed to be gay. And when I said I didn't think it was something I could just s-stop being, she told me I had to l-leave." Puck's voice cracked on the last word and he used his sleeve to swipe away more tears that fell.

Gary and Ari shared a look. "Okay," Ari sighed. "Are you sure that you're gay?"

"It's not that we don't believe you, Noah," Gary rushed to reassure. "It's just that this is a huge step to take, and you need to be sure that it's the right step for you."

"I'm sure," Puck said. He felt a little less emotional talking about this part, so he was able to pull himself together a bit. "I mean, I tried not to be, for a long time. And I tried to prove I wasn't by being with girls and stuff. But… I wasn't happy with any of them. And it never felt right, you know. But then Kurt… he's like so in your face and great and he made it impossible for me to ignore the way I felt about him. So I freaked a little and then I thought about it and realized that it was true and then I freaked a little more. But then I kissed him and I knew for sure that it wasn't just me being confused or whatever."

"But Kurt didn't believe you?" Gary asked. "Did he say why?"

Puck flushed and ducked his head. "He said you don't just wake up one day and decide you like cock. And that liking one boy's ass doesn't make me gay. But it isn't just one boy. I mean, he's the only one I want to be with, but I've noticed other boys before, I just never let myself think about being with them."

Gary chuckled. "I was a lot like you, only I was even older when I figured it all out. I didn't really know I was gay until college. Ari, here, knew from the time he could tell the difference between a boy and a girl."

"I think Kurt's always known," Puck said. "Do you think maybe that's why he doesn't believe me?"

"Probably," Ari said. "I'm sure that he's probably scared that you'll wake up one day and decide that you aren't gay just as quickly as you decided you are. _We_ know that's not how things work, but your friend is still pretty young and I'm sure this is all new for him too, even if he has known forever."

"He's never had a boyfriend," Puck said. "I know that much. I don't think he's even kissed anyone before me."

"Well, don't lose hope on that front, yet," Gary said. "Give him time. More pressing is the issue of where you're going to live."

Puck swallowed hard and stared into the now empty cup in his hands. "I didn't really know where else to go. I don't exactly have a lot of friends, at least not real friends, and most adults hate me."

"Well, you were right to come to us," Ari said. "We'll get you set up in the guest room and Gary and I will go and talk with your mother tomorrow. We'll sit down with her and discuss things. Maybe we can get through to her. And if we can't, you'll always be welcome here, Noah."

"We would love to have you stay with us," Gary said. "When you were dating Rachel, it was pretty obvious that you two weren't going to make a good match, but we really liked having you here. And I think Rachel wouldn't mind having you around. She doesn't have a lot of friends either, and I know she thinks of you as one of the few she does have."

Puck smiled at that. He knew that Rachel tolerated him, but after she broke up with him, he wasn't sure if she actually liked him or not. It was good to know that she did like him. In this house, there were three people who liked him for him, and that felt really good after everything he had gone through that day. "Thanks."

_Wanna scream out No more hiding Don't be afraid of what's inside Gonna tell ya you'll be alright In the Aftermath_

_Anytime anybody pulls you down Anytime anybody says you're not allowed Just remember you are not alone In the Aftermath_


	6. Sleepwalker

Things were very awkward at the breakfast table the next morning. Gary and Ari did their best to make Puck feel at home, and he could tell that Rachel trying to be supportive without actually mentioning the reason Puck was sitting there eating some weird wholegrain cereal instead of at home helping his sister get ready for school. Rachel was as talkative as ever, but she was nervous about saying the wrong thing and it showed.

"Just say it, Rachel," Puck said tiredly when Gary and Ari left to finish getting ready. "Get it out of your system."

"I… I'm sorry," Rachel said quietly. "I can't imagine what you're going through right now, but… I want you to know I'll do whatever I can to help. I mean, I know you said we weren't friends after we broke up, but I think maybe we are, at least I'd like us to be friends."

Puck smiled sadly. "I need all the friends I can get right now, Rachel. Did your dads tell you why she kicked me out?"

Rachel shook her head. "They said it was up to you to tell or not and that I shouldn't ask. They know I can be a little pushy."

"A little?" Puck asked with a halfhearted smirk, but then he frowned. "I told my mom that I'm gay and she threw me out. I… I don't think I want everyone to know that, though. At least not yet. Is that okay?"

"Sure," Rachel agreed. "It takes time to get up the courage to come out."

"It's not that," Puck said. "I don't care if everyone knows I'm gay. I just don't want them to know my mom threw me out because of it."

"I don't understand," Rachel said. She collected their empty bowls and set them into the dishwasher.

"I'll explain on the way to school," Puck said. They grabbed their things and called out their goodbyes to Gary and Ari before walking out to Puck's truck. Rachel would normally get a ride from one of her dads, but with Puck there, it made more sense for them to ride together. "Yeah, so the reason I told my mom was because I was asking her advice about what to do about Kurt. And I don't want him to know that and then think it's his fault or something stupid like that."

"Kurt?" Rachel asked. "Oh, you mean you have a thing for Kurt?"

"Yeah, and I told him and he…" Puck shook his head. "What is it about you geeky kids turning me down? I mean, what's wrong with me? You used me to get at Finn and he thinks I'd be using him to experiment. What is that about?"

"Oh, Noah," Rachel sighed. "You have to admit that you haven't always given us reason to trust you. It's one thing to try and be friends, but to risk your heart is something else entirely. Maybe you just need to step back and let the trust build a little more before you try a relationship."

"Yeah, whatever," Puck said sulkily. They rode the rest of the way in silence.

_I saw a picture of you Hanging in an empty hallway I heard a voice that I knew And I couldn't walk away It took me back to the end Of everything I taste it all I taste it all The tears again_

One of the first people Puck saw when they entered the school was Kurt. Their eyes met for a brief minute and Kurt looked curious as to why Puck had arrived with Rachel, but not enough to come over and ask. Instead, he turned and walked away and Puck felt like his heart was breaking all over again. Rachel, of course, noticed and put a comforting hand on Puck's arm.

"It'll get better," Rachel said.

"It can't get much worse," Puck muttered. "I'll see you later."

"Okay," Rachel said and watched Puck walk away.

Puck went to his classes and took the notes he needed, but his mind wasn't on school, it was on the conversation that was surely taking place between Ari and Gary and his Ma. Puck had thought that his mom would always be there for him. It was unthinkable that she would turn on him over something like this. She had always been sympathetic to gay people. They had been in the concentration camps right beside the Jews, after all, and that made them okay in her book. But apparently that was only when they weren't her son.

Somehow, the day passed and Puck couldn't really remember any of it. He knew that Finn asked him why he had driven Rachel to school and he had mumbled something, but he didn't think it was anything intelligible. In fact, he didn't think he said anything else to anyone the entire day.

_I can't turn this around I keep running into walls that I can't break down I said I just wander around With my eyes wide shut because of you I'm a sleepwalker walker walker I'm a sleepwalker walker walker_

_Let me out of this dream_

He went back to the truck after the last class and waited for Rachel to return. He had forgotten that there was glee that afternoon, but once he was there, he couldn't be bothered to go back inside. He waited for her with the truck running and the heat turned on and worried about what Gary and Ari would have to tell him when he got home. One part of him wanted to believe that she would have come to her senses and changed her mind, but he knew that his mother wasn't like that. Once she got something in her head, it stuck and nothing could change her mind, not even her own son.

The windows fogged up in the cold and Puck was glad because that meant that no one passing by could see that he was crying again. He never knew he could feel so lost. He felt like he was drowning in his emotions and it wasn't something for which he was prepared. He felt like he could cry enough to fill up the cab of his truck with tears and still not be rid of the grief in his heart right then. And he just couldn't seem to stop crying.

_Everywhere that I go I see another memory And all the places we used to know They're always there to haunt me I walk around and I feel so lost and lonely You're everything that I want But you don't want me_

Puck felt completely unloved and unlovable. First his dad ditched, and though his mom never came right out and said it, he knew that she blamed him on some level. Abram Puckerman had left screaming about the way Ruth clung to him and the kids—meaning him and Sarah, who was only a baby at the time—were just too needy and he needed freedom to find out who he was. Puck just knew that if he had been a better son, if he had helped with Sarah more back then, if he had made his mom smile more, that his dad would have stayed. And so he had tried so hard to do those things after he left, hoping, always hoping, that he would come back and they could be a happy family again. Only, he knew now that they were never happy, and nothing he could have done at nine years old would have made a difference, but it didn't make that feeling—the one that said he would never be worthy of love—go away.

Two years of cheerleaders and MILFs hadn't made him feel any more worthy of love. In fact, it had made him feel even less worthy. Despite that feeling, he had always known that his Ma loved him, worthy or not. And her love had begun to make him feel like maybe, just maybe, someone else might love him someday. But now… now, Puck was lost without any hope. He was just an empty shell going through the motions. He couldn't face glee, even if he had remembered, because music made him feel and he couldn't stand to feel any more.

_I can't turn this around I keep running into walls that I can't break down I said I just wander around With my eyes wide shut because of you I'm a sleepwalker walker walker I'm a sleepwalker walker walker_

_Let me out of this dream, dream_ _Let me out of this dream_

The door on the passenger side opened and Puck expected it to be Rachel, but it wasn't.

"You missed glee practice," Kurt said as he looked Puck over. Puck was sure that the other boy would be able to see that he had been crying. If glee was over already, Puck knew that he'd spent more than an hour just crying and thinking and his eyes had to be red. "And you've been crying."

"Fuck off," Puck muttered.

"Noah…"

"Don't call me Noah," Puck growled. "You don't have the right. You lost it when you called me a liar."

"You're still mad," Kurt sighed. "Noa– Puck, I don't blame you for being mad at me, but it's pretty obvious that something's going on with you. You show up with Rachel this morning and neither of you will say why. Then you spend the entire day walking around like a zombie. And now I find you crying in your truck. I know this can't be just about what happened between us yesterday."

"You aren't that important," Puck lied. Kurt _was_ that important, but this wasn't just about him.

Kurt looked hurt for a brief moment, but then it was lost behind his mask. "Yes, well, my offer to be friends still stands. I can be a good listener if you need one."

"Between Gary and Ari, I think I've got plenty of people to listen to me whine," Puck said. "I don't need you to be my counselor."

"So what do you need from me?" Kurt asked quietly.

"I already told you," Puck said. "But you don't believe me, so, as Vizzini would say, we are at an impasse."

Kurt let the obscure movie reference pass and was quiet for a minute. "Rachel asked me to tell you she would be a few minutes. She and Finn wanted to run through their teamwork song a few times with Brad. Did you… did you tell her what you told me?"

"Yeah, I did," Puck said defiantly. "And I told her dads. Gary and Ari don't think I'm lying."

"I should go," Kurt said wearily.

Puck realized that he was chasing away the one person he wanted to be with the most. "Wait. I'm sorry I'm being such a shit. I… Things are just really bad right now."

Kurt sat back. "How bad? Talk to me Puck. I know you don't think so, but I really care about you."

"You just don't trust me," Puck said sadly. "Yeah, I get it. I suppose I should feel grateful for whatever you're willing to give me."

"Puck…"

"You really want to know what's going on?" Puck asked. "My mother kicked me out because I told her I'm gay. She said I could stay if I took it back, if I would pretend to be normal. I told her that I couldn't do that. So she made me pack my things and get out. She said she doesn't want me to corrupt my sister…" Puck could feel the tears welling up again, but he was gritting his teeth against the pain. "You still think this is just some experiment? Fuck, if it was, I wouldn't be shacked up at chez Berry."

"God, Puck," Kurt moaned. "I'm so sorry."

"Nothing for you to feel sorry about," Puck said. "It had nothing to do with you."

"But…"

"Don't be so conceited," Puck snarled. "Not everything is about you. I think you should leave now."

"Puck…"

Puck blinked back the tears that were trying to fall and stared at the steering wheel so he wouldn't have to see Kurt. "Please, just leave me alone."

Puck could hear Kurt sniffling, but he opened the door and climbed out of the truck. When the door closed again, Puck broke down as the sky opened up and an icy winter rain began to fall.

_Outside the rain's fallin' down There's not a drop that hits me Scream at the sky but no sound Is leavin' my lips It's like I can't even feel After the way you touched me I'm not asleep but I'm not awake After the way you loved me_


	7. Time for Miracles

Puck tossed and turned. It had been almost two weeks since he had been rejected by Kurt and his mom all in the same day and he had been flying on autopilot the entire time while he tried to figure out how to cope. Everyone in glee now knew that he was living with Rachel and her dads, but not really why. The only thing anyone who knew (Puck, Rachel and Kurt) would say is that he and his mom had a falling out. Most people had stopped asking Puck anything when it became obvious that he wouldn't answer. He could honestly say that he couldn't remember saying a word to anyone for those entire two weeks other than to answer a question in class when a particularly persistent teacher wouldn't leave him alone. More often than not, Puck just growled at people and watched them scamper away before going back to a comfortably numb state of being.

But now, after two weeks, Puck felt like he was ready to end his period of grieving and face the world again.

Part of facing the world was trying to figure out exactly what he wanted and needed out of life to be happy which was why he was tossing and turning instead of sleeping. He had once thought that he knew what life had in store for him, but he knew now that he'd been full of shit. Sure he had a decent savings account, but that wasn't going to get him out of Lima. He needed to get into college to do that. And to get into college, Puck had to start getting better grades. He wasn't as dumb as everyone thought he was, though he knew he wasn't the smartest guy around. He got good grades when he actually went to class and paid attention.

He wanted to go into music; whether it was as a rock star, a song writer or a music teacher didn't really matter. That meant he needed to learn more about the subject. One thing working with Kurt had taught him was that there was a lot that Puck didn't know about musical theory and composition. Some of that he would learn in college, but if he wanted to get into a good music school he would need to know more than he currently knew. Maybe Schue could help. Or Rachel. If he hadn't lashed out at Kurt, he might have helped Puck learn, but as it was Kurt hadn't spoken to him once since that afternoon in his truck.

_It's late at night and I can't sleep Missing you just runs too deep Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile Every kiss I can't forget This aching heart ain't broken yet Oh God I wish I could make you see Cause I know this flame isn't dying So nothing can stop me from trying_

Puck regretted now the way he had treated Kurt that day. He knew that he was lashing out, taking out his anger and fear on Kurt even as he had done it but he couldn't seem to stop himself. Now, not only did he have to make Kurt trust him, he had to get him to forgive him. Kurt had even told Mr. Schue that he couldn't complete the teamwork assignment, a first for the countertenor. Puck had shrugged it off like everything else when Schue had asked him about it, but inside Puck had been screaming. He didn't want to lose Kurt before he ever had him.

So getting Kurt to forgive him was a high priority on Puck's list of things he needed to do.

Not long ago, Puck had believed that he was worthless, and probably deserved every bad thing that happened to him, but Gary had helped him work through a lot of that. There was something to be said for living with a psychiatrist.

And a lawyer. When Ruth Puckerman had refused to back down, Ari had drawn up papers to transfer Puck's legal guardianship to Gary and him and had pressured her until she signed. Now Puck was officially part of the Berry family. That had helped him more than he had thought it would. It felt really good to know that three people _wanted_ to be his family. It helped balance out the fact that his biological family did not and went a long way to helping him heal.

And now that he was feeling more like his old self again, he needed to get started making his dreams come true.

_Baby you know that Maybe it's time for miracles Cause I ain't giving up on love You know that maybe it's time for miracles Cause I ain't giving up on love No I ain't giving up on us_

Giving up on sleep, Puck got out of bed and grabbed his laptop. He suddenly felt inspired to write again.

**PKPKPKPKPK**

Puck was ready with his apology on Monday, but after two weeks of trying to avoid each other, getting to Kurt was harder than Puck had anticipated. It wasn't until glee rehearsal that Puck even saw him from any closer than fifty feet away, and then he couldn't get past Mercedes to actually talk to him. A thoroughly discouraged Puck drove himself and Rachel home that afternoon. Over dinner, Puck shared his frustrations with his new family—Gary said that doing that kind of thing would make him feel better and fuck if it didn't actually work.

"We'll figure something out," Rachel told him. "He can't avoid you forever."

"He can try," Puck muttered.

"Have you tried just calling him and asking if he'll meet to talk?"Ari asked. "I mean, maybe he doesn't know that you want to talk to him and he's just trying to respect your expressed desire to be left alone."

Puck looked at Rachel and she shrugged. "It's possible. You've been a little wrapped up in yourself the last couple weeks—understandably—but you missed some of the looks Kurt sent your way. I don't think he's really all that mad. Maybe a little hurt, but mostly I think he's worried about you and doesn't want to do anything that would make things worse."

Puck thought about that and he supposed it was possible. "So you guys think I should just call him up and tell him what?"

"That you want to talk," Gary said. "And then apologize. Tell him what you've been going through. Be honest with him. What's the worst that could happen?"

"He could call me a liar and reject me again," Puck said glumly.

Gary smiled at his predictably negative response. "And yet, you survived that once. You can survive again if that's what happens. Somehow though, I don't think it will."

Puck didn't talk much for the rest of dinner, but that wasn't really very unusual. He had always thought that Rachel talked a lot, but she came by it naturally. Both Gary and Ari could talk as much as Rachel. Puck was usually very quiet in comparison to those three. Afterward, he helped clean up the dishes and then went to his room to call Kurt. He just stared at his phone for a good ten minutes before he got up the courage to actually press send.

"Hello?" Kurt's voice was low and hesitant and Puck felt his heart turn over at the sound.

_I just want to be with you Cause living is so hard to do When all I know is trapped inside your eyes The future I cannot forget This aching heart ain't broken yet Oh God I wish I could make you see Cause I know this flame isn't dying So nothing can stop me from trying_

"Hey, Kurt," Puck finally said after an awkward silence. "I was, um, wondering if maybe we could talk?"

Kurt was quiet for a few seconds and Puck held his breath. "When?"

"Um, now?" Puck asked uncertainly. "I could come over there. Or tomorrow if tonight is bad. Or anytime next week will work for me. Whenever is good for you."

Kurt gave a short incredulous laugh. "Tonight is fine."

"I'll be over in a few minutes then," Puck said. "I… thanks, Kurt."

"I'll see you soon," Kurt said softly without acknowledging Puck's gratitude.

**PKPKPKPKPK**

Puck rubbed sweaty palms on his thighs before ringing the doorbell. He sighed in relief when Kurt answered instead of his father. Kurt nodded to Puck and led him to the kitchen.

"Would you like a drink?" Kurt asked with cool courtesy. "Water, soda…?"

"Some water would be good," Puck said. He was nervous and he always got thirsty when he was nervous, but if he gulped down a soda he'd end up belching in the middle of his apology and that wouldn't go over well with a guy like Kurt. Finn would think it was funny, but Kurt would scowl.

Kurt grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge before taking a seat at the table. Puck took the seat across from Kurt and cracked the seal on his bottle. He took a very long drink of water before setting his bottle back on the table. "So, I wanted to apologize for being such a douche to you the last time we talked. Gary says I should be honest with you and tell you what I was going through, but you already know most of it. I mean, you know about my mom and my sister and you, but I guess you don't know about my dad and the fact that he just ditched us and I always thought it was my fault."

Puck took another drink and played with the label on his water bottle. He couldn't look at Kurt. "Gary says that I was going through an emotional crisis. Still am, really. I guess he's right. I mean, a lot happened in just a few days and I felt like I was going to explode with all the stuff that I was feeling all at once. And part of what I was feeling was about you. So when you came to try and help, I guess I just blew up at you. It wasn't fair. You have a right to your feelings. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you and I'm sorry."

Puck was surprised when he felt a hand on his. He looked up to see that Kurt was smiling sadly at him. "I accept your apology. And the offer to be friends is still good."

Puck smiled for the first time in what felt like years. "I'd like that. But just so you know, I'm not going to give up on making you trust me. I really like you Kurt and I want us to be more than friends. If it takes me until graduation, I'm going to make you mine. You can't resist Puckzilla forever."

Kurt smiled back. "Bring your best, Puck."

"Call me Noah," Puck said quietly. "Please?"

"Noah," Kurt said. Their eyes met and locked for several long minutes while their hands were still connected. Eventually, Kurt looked away and stood. "You should probably go. It's getting late and my dad will be home from his date soon. I'd rather not have to explain your presence this late on a school night."

Puck followed Kurt back to the front door and then paused. "I'll see you tomorrow?" What he was really asking was if Kurt would be avoiding him again.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Kurt confirmed. "Maybe we could meet in the choir room to work on some music during fourth period?"

Puck let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and nodded eagerly. "That sounds great." Before he could chicken out or Kurt could stop him, Puck leaned forward and kissed Kurt's cheek. "Goodnight, Kurt."

Kurt looked a little stunned but he nodded and said, "Goodnight, Noah."

Puck made his way down the walk and got into his truck with a light heart. For the first time since his mom threw him out, he felt good, hopeful, like maybe all this would work out somehow. Sure, he and Kurt were just friends for now, but Puck thought that maybe Kurt liked him too and was just scared. He'd just take his time and give Kurt plenty of reasons to trust him. Puck had been serious. He would wait until graduation if it took that long, but he didn't think it would. He kinda thought that Kurt wanted them to be together too.

_Baby can you feel it coming You know I can hear it, hear it in your soul Baby when you feel me feeling you You know it's time..._

_Baby you know that Maybe it's time for miracles Cause I ain't giving up on love_

When Puck went to bed that night, he slept better than he had in almost three weeks.


	8. If I Had You

Puck came out to the rest of glee a couple days after making up with Kurt. He had both Rachel and Kurt supporting him, which helped a lot more than he would ever admit, and it went pretty well. Santana gave him a smirk but he could see that she was both proud of him and envious. He wondered how long it would take her to come to terms with who she was. Quinn and Finn were the most upset by the revelation, but Puck knew that there wasn't anything he could say or do to make them accept him. They would or they wouldn't come to terms with everything. He'd just have to wait and see which it would be.

Once the club knew it was inevitable that the rest of the school would find out. It wasn't that they deliberately spilled the news, but one overheard conversation in a bathroom led to a posting on Jew Fro's blog that had the entire school watching Puck for a couple days until he stood up in the cafeteria one day and made a general announcement. In the days that followed, a few of the jocks tried to be dicks about it, but Puck wasn't one to sit back and just let them bully him. After the third time he beat down Azimio and Karofsky, the rest of the homophobes left him alone.

As a side benefit, they were afraid to do much to Kurt after that as well. The assumption was that the only two gay guys had to be a couple, especially with as much time as they spent together. Puck wished it was true, but he was satisfied for the time being with the building friendship between them. They had gone back to arranging Puck's songs together—Puck's block was gone and he had been writing more music than ever, now often with Kurt's input from the very beginning—and Kurt had begun teaching Puck about musical theory. They stuck to their twice a week meetings for a few weeks but by the end of April, they had added in what Kurt called friendly outings. Sometimes they would go to the movies or to eat at Breadstix. Sometimes they would hang out at the park. Sometimes they would just talk. But whatever they did, they always seemed to have fun doing it.

Puck thought that maybe they were dating, just without the kissing stuff, but when he said so to Kurt, the other boy got very defensive so Puck had dropped the subject.

Puck's other plans were going pretty well. His teachers didn't really know what to do with him. He was going to all his classes and doing all his homework. He was getting better grades than most of his peers in most of his classes. Gary and Ari told him all the time how proud they were of the way he was improving.

When regionals came around, New Directions performed "Harmonies" and "Snatch" and earned second place. It wasn't enough to get to nationals, but it was good enough to keep the club going for another year. And the fact that they performed two of his songs made Puck so proud that he thought he could absolutely burst.

The only negative about that day, besides not winning, was the fact that Ruth Puckerman didn't come to see them perform. Puck knew it wasn't likely, but he had sent her an invitation, nonetheless. She hadn't even acknowledged it. Puck had seen her around a few times in the months since she threw him out but she always just turned away and never even looked at him. Every time that happened, Puck would be thrown into a funk, but those funks were getting less and less deep and lasted for shorter periods as time went on.

Puck missed his little sister more than he would have ever believed possible. And it became apparent that Sarah missed him just as much because she started emailing from the school library. Several times a week they would exchange emails. Puck knew all about how she was doing in school, about Mrs. Perkins watching her when their Ma had to work, and about the new dress she got from their Nona Puckerman. She promised that she would keep in touch, no matter what Ruth Puckerman said. She'd find a way, because she loved Puck. When Puck read that, he cried. He saved all of the emails from Sarah and whenever he would start to feel sorry for himself, he would take that email out and remember that he was loved.

As the end of the school year came around, Puck knew that he had come a long way in the last five months.

**PKPKPKPKPK**

"So?" Kurt asked anxiously when Puck showed up at his door. "Did he call?"

Puck smiled at his friend. Kurt had convinced Puck to send some of their songs to some famous music producer in LA that Kurt had found online. They had made a very rough demo in Kurt's basement and then emailed the sound files to the guy. It had taken almost two months before they heard anything back, but the week before, they had finally gotten an email from the guy's assistant. He reviewed the thousands of emails the man got every week and passed on anything he thought was worth hearing. Jason, the assistant, said that their songs, while rough, were some of the best and most original he had heard. He set up a time for teleconference with Puck and Mr. Bruckner.

"He called," Puck said with a smile. "And he asked why you weren't there."

Kurt had just gotten back from his grandmother's and hadn't been able to be there for the call. "What did he say about the music?" Kurt demanded impatiently.

"He said that they definitely want to buy 'Snatch' and 'Harmonies'," Puck said with a grin. "Get this; he thinks that those will be great songs for Adam Lambert's next album."

"Oh my god!" Kurt squealed and hugged puck close. "That is so great!"

"Bruckner's also going to buy three other songs for one of his up and coming artists." Puck was slow to let Kurt go, but he was smiling when he did. He said, "Jason sent over a contract and Ari's looking it over. Jason said that if any of the songs chart, we'll have a lot of people coming to us for more songs. And Bruckner's already asking for more songs."

"That's… just wow," Kurt said as he sat down on the sofa. Puck sat next to him. "I think we should go out and celebrate."

"Well, we can certainly afford it," Puck said with a grin. "We're getting a check for agreeing to let them use the songs and then we'll get checks every quarter for royalties. It's not a fortune, but it's pretty good. All we need to do is sign the contract after Ari looks it over."

"I still don't feel right about taking half of the money," Kurt said. "They're your songs."

"And without your help they never would have been anything more than a hobby," Puck said. "You are the one who got them polished enough to sell them. And we've been working together on those new songs, so we're a team, right?"

Kurt smiled. "Yeah, we're a team."

"So what would you like to do to celebrate?" Puck asked.

Kurt smiled a little mischievously. "There's a new karaoke place in Findlay. They let teens 16 and up in until 10pm on Fridays."

"You're on," Puck said with a grin. "We'll go tonight."

**PKPKPKPKPK**

Puck wasn't sure how he had allowed Rachel to talk him into this, but he was currently standing in front of his bedroom mirror wearing a pair of black leather pants that fit him like a glove. They were a bit gayer than Puck had ever envisioned on himself, but he had to admit he looked really good. She had paired the pants with an electric-blue silk t-shirt, and he was wearing a new pair of black biker boots on his feet.

As soon as he saw himself in the mirror, Puck knew what song he was going to sing tonight. With that in mind, he went back to Rachel and begged her for a little more help getting ready.

**PKPKPKPKPK**

Puck had learned from Rachel that they weren't the only ones from Lima heading up to Findlay that evening. Finn was taking Rachel, Artie was bringing Tina, and Santana, Brittany, Mercedes, Quinn, Mike, and Matt were all riding up together. The whole freaking glee club would be there. And not just them; Mr. Schuester and Miss Pillsbury were coming, as were Ari and Gary. Puck was a little nervous about following through with his plan considering, but he was still a badass and badasses didn't back down from potential embarrassment.

Puck's effort on his outfit was totally worth it when Kurt saw him and his jaw dropped. Puck had gone to Rachel to help him put a little eyeliner around his eyes, add a little bright blue lipstick and paint his fingernails metallic blue. He had been letting his mohawk get a little longer and it was now spiked up and tinted a metallic blue at the tips. Rachel had insisted that he needed a little body glitter to finish the look and Puck had to agree; it made the whole glam-rock look complete.

"I… wow," Kurt said. "You look…"

"Bitchin?" Puck asked with a smirk. "I know. But not as good as you." He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Kurt's cheek.

Kurt blushed and Puck thought that the color suited him. Kurt was wearing black skinny jeans with silver knee-high combat boots. He also wore a black vest decorated with silver chains and buckles with no shirt underneath. His hair was styled in a high pompadour that sparkled just enough for Puck to know that the glitter was deliberate. He too was wearing makeup, though his was more subtle than Puck's. In all, Puck thought they made a fucking awesome glam couple. "Ready to go?"

Kurt never asked why Puck was dressed the way he was, but they fell into their comfortable banter on the drive up to the club. When they arrived, the others were all there already. Kurt waved to Mercedes, but he didn't make an attempt to join their friends or the adults. Instead he led them to a table for two near the front of the room. While Kurt ordered sodas and snacks for them, Puck went up to the DJ and put in his request. When he went back to the table, Kurt smiled secretively to him and went to put in his own song request.

For the next hour they listened to their friends and other patrons take their turns singing. Some were amazing and others were just plain awful, but no matter which, it was always entertaining. Ari had one of the worst voices, but he had the most fun with his song, which made everyone else have fun. The longer they sat, however, the more nervous Puck got. He was almost relieved when his name was finally called.

Puck went up to the stage and took the mic from its stand. He didn't bother with the monitor; he knew the words to this song by heart. When the music started, Puck was right there, swaying and strutting as he sang right to Kurt:

" _ **So I got my boots on, Got the right amount of leather And I'm doing me up with a black colored liner And I'm working my strut but I know it don't matter All we need in this world is some love**_

 _ **There's a thin line between the dark side,**_ _**And the light side, baby tonight**_ _**It's a struggle gotta rumble, tryin'a find it**_

 _ **But if I had you,**_ _**That would be the only thing I'd ever need**_ _**Yeah if I had you,**_ _**Then money, fame and fortune never could compete**_ _**If I had you,**_ _**Life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy**_ _**Yeah, if I had you**_ _**You y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you**_ _**If I had you**_

 _ **From New York to LA getting high rock and rolling**_ _**Get a room trash it up 'til it's ten in the morning**_ _**Girls in stripper heels, boys rolling in Maseratis**_ _**What they need in this world is some love**_ _**There's a thin line between the wild time,**_ _**And a flat-line, baby tonight**_ _**It's a struggle gotta rumble, tryin'a find it**_

 _ **But if I had you,**_ _**That would be the only thing I'd ever need**_ _**Yeah if I had you,**_ _**Then money, fame and fortune never could compete**_ _**If I had you,**_ _**Life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy**_ _**Yeah, if I had you**_ _**You y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you**_ _**If I had-**_

 _ **The flashing of the lights**_ _**It might feel so good**_ _**But I got you stuck on my mind, yeah**_ _**The flashing and the stage, it might get me high**_ _**But it don't mean a thing tonight**_

 _ **That would be the only thing I'd ever need**_ _**Yeah if I had you,**_ _**Then money, fame and fortune never could compete**_ _**If I had you,**_ _**Life would be a party it'd be ecstasy**_ _**Yeah if I had you**_ _**You y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you**_ _**If I had you**_

 _ **That would be the only thing I'd ever need**_ _**Yeah if I had you,**_ _**Then money, fame and fortune never could compete**_ _**(Never could compete with you)**_ _**If I had you, life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy**_ _**(It'd be ecstasy with you)**_ _**Yeah if I had you**_ _**You y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you**_ _**If I had you."**_

As the music died out, Puck looked at Kurt and he could see something in his face that he knew meant more than just friendship. The rest of the club was clapping like mad, but Puck only had eyes for Kurt. Before he could reach the other boy, however, Kurt was being called up for his turn. Kurt rose and gave Puck a wide smile as he passed. Puck took his seat and watched as the music began. He recognized the song as soon as it started and a wide smile spread across his face. Kurt wanted him too.

" _ **There he goes My baby walks so slow Sexual tic-tac-toe Yeah, I know we both know It isn't time, no But could you be m-mine?**_

 _ **We'll never get too far**_ _**Just you, me, and the bar**_ _**Silly ménage à trois, sometimes**_ _**Would you be m-mine?**_ _**Would you be m-mine?**_ _**Would you be m-mine?**_

 _ **Oh baby, light's on**_ _**But your mom's not home**_ _**I'm sick of laying down alone, hey**_ _**With this fever, fever, yeah**_ _**My one and own**_ _**I wanna get you alone**_ _**Give you fever, fever, yeah**_

 _ **There it goes**_ _**You're still my soul and so**_ _**'Cause, sweetheart**_ _**No-no-nobody a-kno-kno-knows me**_ _**Or can find me, ooh**_ _**Time to be m-mine, mine**_

 _ **Let's get inside your car**_ _**Just you, me and the stars**_ _**Kind of ménage à trois, sometimes**_ _**Would you be m-mine?**_ _**Would you be m-mine?**_ _**Would you be m-mine?**_

 _ **Oh baby, light's on**_ _**But your mom's not home**_ _**I'm sick of laying down alone, hey**_ _**With this fever, fever, yeah**_ _**My one and own**_ _**I wanna get you alone**_ _**Give you fever, fever, yeah**_

 _ **Yeah, yeah, yeah**_ _**Yeah, yeah, yeah**_ _**Yeah, yeah, yeah!**_ _**You baby, oh baby, oh baby, yeah, oh baby, you're mine!**_ _**Baby you're mine, mine, you're mine**_

 _ **Oh baby, light's on**_ _**But your mom's not home**_ _**I'm sick of laying down alone**_ _**With this fever, fever, yeah**_ _**My one and own**_ _**I wanna get you alone**_ _**I got this fever that I can't sweat out**_

 _ **Oh baby, light's on**_ _**But your mom's not home**_ _**I'm sick of laying down alone**_ _**With this fever, fever, yeah**_ _**My one and own**_ _**I wanna get you alone**_ _**Give you fever, fever, yeah**_

 _ **Give you my f-f-fever, my f-fever**_ _**Give you my f-f-fever, my f-fever!**_ _**Give you fever, fever, yeah**_ _**Give you fever, fever, yeah!"**_

The minute Kurt stepped off the stage, he was in Puck's arms and they kissed, much to the delight of their noisy audience. Catcalls and cheers abounded, along with more than a few few comments about how long it took them to come to their senses. Puck flipped off their friends and was dragging Kurt back out to his truck before anyone had a chance to follow.

"I love you," Kurt panted out when Puck let him up for air.

Puck froze and felt like his chest was going to explode. He was filled with such joy and love that he didn't think he could contain it. "I love you too."

"What do you say we find some place we can be alone?" Kurt asked.

"Well, Gary and Ari are here," Puck said with a smirk. "And so is Rachel. We could go back to my house."

"Sounds like a plan," Kurt said.

Puck started the truck and pointed it towards home. He was suddenly very aware of how much his life had changed in the last year. School would be starting up again in a few weeks, their junior year, and he had no idea what was going to happen, but he knew that he would make it through.

"How long have you been a closet Adam Lambert fan," Kurt asked.

"Who says I am?" Puck asked with a grin.

"Besides the fact that you didn't need to look at the words for your song? The fact that you knew exactly what I was going to sing as soon as you heard the opening bars of Fever gave you away," Kurt said with a smirk.

"You caught me," Puck said. "Have I ever told you about the soundtrack of my life…?"

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, so I'm still learning to format for this site and can't get teh lyrics to line up right...oh well. I hope you were able to enjoy the story anyway! Jules


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